SOME SEX MARRIAGE MOVEMENT

Are you a “Nomosexual?” There is nothing to be ashamed of!!

A sexless marriage is defined as one in which the partners have sex 10 or less times a year. Now, I don’t know if the statisticians count the times each partner has sex outside the marriage, or by taking matters into their own hands, but I am guessing that they do not.

15-20% of marriages in the U.S. are sexless. Now that gay marriage is finally becoming legal and gay folks will soon be entitled to the same griefs that married people endure – this percentage may grow even *ahem* larger.

Many of the articles I found about this so-called “epidemic” state that if you are one who lives in such a marriage, you are “not alone.” Well DUH! There would be at least one more person in the house with you in the same situation.

According to the American Community Survey, published by the Census Bureau, there are 60.3 million married couples in the U.S.. 20% of this would be 12.06 million married couples, or 24.12 million people in the U.S. living sexless lives. That’s a lot of pent up whoopielessness. Or not.

Dr. Phil’s handy website has these statistics – up to 30 percent of men and up to half of women say they have little or no sex drive; and 25 percent…one quarter, hons!, of all Americans suffer from hypoactive sexual desire (HSD), which means you just ain’t interested in any kind of whoopie anytime. I think it’s a leap to use the word “suffer”, if these folks are reasonably happy living this way. I have no desire whatsoever to drive a race car and I surely don’t feel unhappy about it!

Pondering all this information, of course I have crackpot theories. I am I.B. Crabby after all! My first theory: the planet is becoming overpopulated. This is pretty much accepted all around. We have limited resources to feed, clothe and house many more people than we have now. There certainly isn’t nearly enough oil to make all the plastic needed to insure everyone will have an iPhone, a laptop, a desktop, a Nintendo DS, two television sets per household, kitchen appliances, prescription medications and all the other things that use oil. So the wondrous modern society we currently enjoy is not going to be possible forever. It would make sense if just a very few of us had kids from here on out. But since we’re not evolved enough to decide this consciously, maybe our dna’s capacity for natural selection is kicking out the horndog in these folks to try to insure our species’ continuation. I could be giving us more credit than we deserve, but I DID indicate it was an unconscious thing.

My next theory is that we are all just too tired of each other. Again, based on overpopulation – there are so many of us and we really are annoying creatures. When there are so many folks in one place we have a tendency to turn into an angry mob. And that is just so exhausting. I can see twenty percent of us just waving our hands down and walking out to go take a nap.

Whatever the cause, I personally disagree with labeling this state as “suffering”, or “an epidemic.” I believe that we should support these people and consider this a viable matrimonial option in a positive way. It’s not “sexless!” Ten times or even once a year is, after all, some sex! Let’s help these folks not feel so lonely or embarrassed by their valid personal lifestyle choices.

And of course it’s none of our damned business, but we are Americans! after all and while it’s not written in there, we do act as if it is our Constitutional right to know what goes on in our countrymen’s and countrywomen’s bedrooms and underpants!

So, join me in the Some Sex Marriage Movement! Let’s support our “Nomosexual” friends in their lifestyle choice! It’s not an epidemic! For them it’s a cure. They are not suffering! They are otherwise engaged. They are not deprived! They have more time for Facebook!

Embrace them…but only virtually….with me and let’s make some support ribbons. I’m thinking white would be a good color.

I.B. Crabby

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