HOW TO BECOME WELCOME WHEN YOU ARE FROM ANOTHER…..COUNTRY…

Dear Crabby Irmagarde Mrs.,

We greet you formally with warm regards of welcome! Happy are we to make your acquaintance. As you probably see with your reading eyes, the English words organizing is not our first natural communication format of choice.

Make haste we will to the premise. Thusly it is thus. My family, colleagues and I are seeking to make your United America our home land. We are many. We are strong. We are smart. We are coming.

However, we are thinking it would be a thing of smart to make the polite introduction before our arrival. How do you do! Is that right?

Now that we are introduced, please let your people know that we are very nice. We will share many advanced technology with you and your chosen. We have already provided your United States with our nutritional supplements for much time in years now. You call these places “fast food restaurants.” Yes! Very fast and delicious for you! Eat up hungry citizens!!

Now for you Mrs., please inform us of where we should enter the United America first. I would think that the capitol in Washington would be most suitable. Is that Seattle? My 1,342nd cousin Gizrod wants to land in New York City. The Captain is wanting Disneyland or Disney World, though the alligators in the Florida district have created fear for him.

Yes our final round in the agenda book is to escort many of your colleagues back to our planet country. For dinner.

Warm regards,

Putridid of Orbitronius Zibidoo

Dear POOZ,

Hon, the BEST place to land would be in the middle of a place called “The Pentagon,” in our Washington D.C. This is our most welcoming welcome center for visitors such as yourself!

When you exit your vehicle, put in your limbs, however many of them there are, every long, metallic item you have available. If they light up and make sounds, even better! Then speak very loudly and say this “Greetings Colleagues! We will not leave peacefully!! We are here to enjoy devouring your society and its inhabitants! Everyone line up to be greeted and attached to our organs!” After this, the welcoming committee will have a fireworks show that you will certainly enjoy, and the feasting can follow.

If you make it past the celebratory greeting, make your way over to Congress where you will find the tastiest of us, called lobbyists and politicians! These are filled with much extra fat and are already partly cooked from all the hot air circulating around.

If you are still in a traveling mood, then you should take the train up to Manhattan and travel to a place called “Wall Street.” There you will find our cream filled variety at a place called the New York Stock Exchange. Tasty times will ensue.

I warn you, though, hon, that all this rich food may cause you grievous indigestion. The best relief for this will be some lovely tea. We already have a party going on with this.

Best dishes,

IB Crabby,

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