DEC. 18 – MADGE

That’s right. Our own Madonna. Who better to profile on a series of having to overcome astonishing obstacles over and over, than the one named with the Italian version of the mother of Jesus.

Consider –

~She was born with the moniker “Madonna Louise Ciccone.”
Of course she had to drop the last two names. Louise is the name of one’s overweight, moustached maiden aunt who lives with 52 cats. And Ciccone sounds like cockroach. Though Madonna did compare herself to the cockroach, which I’ll get to later.

~She really can’t sing
Francis Rossi, points out how Madonna used studio production techniques to boost her half an octave range and she has been accused of only lip synching at her concerts. How horrifying this must be day after day to be in the shower and not be able to sound like yourself!

~She was panned and laughed at in film after film, though finally got some good reviews for Evita. But even still has never ever been taken seriously by Hollywood.

~She goes through men like a hot knife through butter
yet she is devastated that her latest ex is now having someone else’s baby. She tried to please him by buying more children when she couldn’t physically have them any more. But he left her for more fertile pastures anyway and now she has to troll the clubs to satisfy the enormous lust of her continued need for press coverage with young men. It was exhausting at 40. More so at 50. I can see the poor woman now, entering the night club with her walker and depends.

And still, she keeps getting up and raking in the dough. Millions upon millions of dollars and all for what? Being able to pick hit songs, knowing how to tweak the knobs in a recording studio, and being skinny enough to keep taking dance classes – mix all these things together, put on a hugely conical brassiere and stage entertaining shows that millions upon millions of people want to see? To come home to a house full of this?

The poor dear. She said once, “I am a survivor. I am like a cockroach, you just can’t get rid of me.”

And, hons, as it turns out, cockroaches have benefits for us! They might hold the key to cure many, many ills and diseases.

Perhaps we should take another look at our Madge. She’s had to conquer so much to make that enormous pile of lolly. Of course there’s talent there! She has mastered the talent of separating us from our cash with a brilliant combination of average abilities! And has to take heat and flack every day for it.

Poor hon. She does what she can.

IB Crabby

Just suck it up, hon!

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Tell Mrs. Crabby all!