Dear Mrs. Crabby,

My name is Adrian. I am a recent college graduate who has been unsuccessful in finding any kind decent paying work. I was an engineering student and you would think there would be some opportunities for a straight “A” engineering graduate as myself. But Nope! So I have to keep living with my parents. Fortunately my father drives a forklift and has taught me this as well and I am currently earning $10 on a part-time job as a fill in about 20 hours a week.

But, surprising, this is not why I am writing. My mom and dad are supporting me to participate in the Occupy Wall Street protest! They are so awesome! I’ve been here two weeks now. The people in New York are the BEST! A lot of them have opened their homes for us to shower and eat. It’s almost like the olden days when people actually took care of each other.

My issue is Adrienne. I met her on the protest. We started laughing because our names sound the same. She is a wonderful young woman and I am quite smitten with her. There’s just a little problem. She’s a recovered heroin addict and former prostitute. My mom and dad are really really conservative and if I bring her home to meet them, they are going to have a fit. Plus I don’t have any kind of decent job to support us. Adrienne said if she went back to turning tricks, we could live really well in New York, but I do not want her to do this.

Also, while here in New York I’ve met some of Adrienne’s old friends. They have interesting careers. Not entirely legal. But I could start a business here and probably earn about $15 to $25 thousand a month. Though it would be risky and involve potential legal difficulties, but at least I could afford really good lawyers with that kind of pay.

I’m really torn, Mrs. Crabby. There is no future for me in the so-called “normal” world. And this wonderful protest, which is being slammed by idiots who say we have no “focus” or “message”, which is NOT true, isn’t going to help me eat in the near future. Plus I really want to be with Adrienne and see what happens.

What should I do?


Dear Adrian,

Hon, you are a brave and wonderful young man to open your heart to a reformed heroin addicted hooker who obviously has a heart of gold, if not another part of her any more.

Don’t sell your parents short. Give them a chance. Next time you talk to them tell them about Adrienne first. But not the new “business” opportunity yet. If they are open-minded about it, great. If they are not, then you have to decide if you want to chance them disinheriting you and losing your support from them. It might come down to having to choose parents or nookie. That will be up to you.

Regarding the business. If it’s not drugs or something that will hurt others, then see if you can connect with an attorney out there at the protest and run the idea by him or her. If they say it’s a good idea and sound like they might know enough to actually get you out of jail when needed, then offer to cut them in on the business for a retainer fee, after you start up. If it IS drugs or something that will hurt others, then don’t do it!! Because the karma attached to that will hurt you more than any STD you pick up from Adrienne. Not to mention the jail time will probably cause you to have to wear a shirt that says “I am Bruno’s bitch,” or some such, and you don’t want that.

You need to do some more research here. Start that plus and minus column list for all these issues, and get networking out there on the street. And give your folks that chance!

Keep the faith Adrian and under no circumstances shut up and suck it up out at Occupy Wall Street!!!

I.B. Crabby

Tell Mrs. Crabby all!

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