BOWL OF SYRIA

Dear Mrs. Crabby,

All day long, all I hear about is “Syria this” and “Syria that.” I am sick of hearing about Syria. So sick that I no longer have my usual cereal for breakfast, because the beginning of the word sounds like “a bowl of Syria” to me.

My husband goes on and on and on about this, and how horrible it is that innocent people have been killed with chemical weapons. I bring up that many more were killed with mustard gas in WWI, but all I get is a giant “SHUSH!!!” Then I ask how it is that poison is worse than getting shot dead with a bullet, and I not only get a giant “SHUSH”, but a disgusted head shake as well.

Don’t get me wrong. I think it’s terrible the things happening there. But why do they also have to happen in my house as well? It’s not like I released a terrible chemical weapon and now must be argued over by a studious American President and a sexy Russian tyrant. But I tell you, that might be more fun than listening to Sidney drone on and on about how America should grow a pair and go kick the poisoner in the ass for his evil doings.

How can I delicately change the subject and get Sidney off this droning discourse of doom?

Signed,

Rita

 

Dear Rita,

This is a tough one, because so many people seem to be stuck exactly where your Sidney is.

The best way to change the subject in Sidney’s mind will be with distraction. Download a copy of Miley Cyrus’ new video, Wrecking Ball, and play it over and over, lamenting over how scandalous it is that she is so naked everywhere. This should get Sidney’s attention diverted to your screen to look at a young naked girl singing while swinging naked on a wrecking ball.

If this does not work, and it might not because the Wrecking Ball song is a stretch, even for Cyrus, then the best you can do is dress up like Christiane Amanpour and sit next to Sidney and make intelligent commentary on the subject. I predict that if this is what you end up doing, that Sidney will soon become more interested in you than the television. In fact, start with this because Christiane Amanpour trumps Miley Cyrus any day.

IB Crabby

Hmmmmm

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