Dear Mrs. Crabby,
I’m so confused. Am I gay? Am I straight? Am I vanilla? Am I kinky? How can I know who I am? I know I am a pretty horny person. Most of the time.
I am 17 years old and I should probably figure this out before I go to college, don’t you think?
This Way, That Way, or Not?
Dear Wibbly Wobbly,
This is not rocket science, hon. It’s pretty straight-forward.
If you like your own gender sexually and identify only that way, you are gay.
If you like only the opposite sex sexually and identify only that way, you are straight.
If you like both genders sexually, without reservation (guilt is such a hindrance), you are bi-sexual.
All of the above are perfectly normal and can be extremely satisfying lifestyles. Be happy with yourself.
17 is actually far too young to set yourself in stone yet. Keep an open mind and don’t judge yourself.
Regarding the second part of your issue –
If you prefer only the most basic of sexual positions; consider that the only goal is achieving orgasm; and recoil at anything other than that – you are vanilla. No worries, the majority of the population is just like you and you’ll have no problem finding love with a mutual bent.
If you find yourself intrigued or aroused or pursuing activities that include multiple orifices, latex, leather or metal accessories and devices and enjoy extended periods of extreme arousal that don’t necessarily result in orgasm, then you are likely one fun party to attend! Not vanilla. There are enough other people with similar interests or curiosity to keep you busy in love here as well.
Again, you’re only 17. Lots of time to see what’s what and decide who to do. Always be honest with yourself and others. Be kind and considerate of your partner(s). Use lots of lubricants and practice safe sex no matter how you end up.