It’s almost here! That time when you kids are gone most of the day so that we parents can have a job, look for a job or drink to distract ourselves from not having a job. Every year it seems to come faster and faster, until all you are all gone, off to college and then can move back in to look for a job, or join us drinking on the couch in front of Duck Dynasty.

Focus on what you love to do best, even though this might change on an hourly basis. Do you love sports? Throw yourself into them! Boys – you will end up looking buff and studly and girls, you can show off your trim new self in teensy clothes! Attract that rich husband early!

Get a good pair of slacks. None of this pants on the ground business. This will not help to get you a job to help pay for your college years. Something like this will give your teachers and fellow students the impression that you are a serious student who means to succeed!


And notice this handsome young fellow’s smile! Remember always to smile. This will attract potential sweethearts and keep the teachers on your side. Plus the school bullies will think you just might be crazy enough to be able to beat the bejeezus out of them. Or at least dance handily away.

There will be mean teachers. There always are. Don’t let them get you down, no matter how many times they load you with 10 hours of homework a night! Keep smiling in those classes and repeat silently to yourself over and over “They’re older than me, they will die sooner….They’re older than me, they will die sooner” to keep you in a happy spirit. If that doesn’t work, draw clown noses or zombie lips on downloaded photos. Or directly on their face, if you catch them napping at their desk.

When thinking lunch box, go with something like this. Your food will be safe, and the kids will think you are so cool, eating raw human parts. Or, try this one where you can ask the Ouija for test answers while eating your PBJ!

And that all important backpack is what will set the tone for your entire school year! Make a bold statement with one of these.

And Attention Teens! For some attention grabbing school supplies, don’t miss these head turners!

Work hard and have fun, kids! You’re going to have to support your parents sooner rather than later, so a high GPA will insure you a better opportunity to go after the 1% of jobs out there that will provide a livable wage, after you pay off your college debt. Meanwhile, there is no reason it shouldn’t be wicked good fun in the process.


IB Crabby

Letter HA HA

Tell Mrs. Crabby all!

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