BACK TO SCHOOL

Dear Mrs. Crabby,

I am starting Middle School next week and I don’t want to go. I am 12 years old and I consider myself to still be a kid, not a teenager. In fact, I do not want to be a teenager. My sister Rita was a teenager and this was a horrible disaster. The very second she got boobs, boys and girls were lining up at our door. I like my body just the way it is and do not want it to change into some lumpy, hairy foreign thing that forces me to commit bizarre acts against my better judgment.

How can I stop this and stay exactly the way I am even though I still have to go to Middle School?

Signed,

Emma

 

Dear Emma,

Hon, the time has come for you to hold your nose, close your eyes and jump into the deep end of the pool. There’s not a thing you can do to stop this train from sliding into the station. I promise you that you will most likely end up enjoying a lot of the changes coming your way.

I can tell you that if you continue to dress and act like a 6th grader when you are in Middle School and High School, you will probably be bullied and teased mercilessly. However, hon, if you continue this trend into your late teens and twenties, you will find yourself extremely popular with older, wealthy gentlemen. Especially if you are a good dancer. This can end up working to your advantage. Something to think about.

Best of luck to you,

IB Crabby

ahem

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