Dear Mrs. Crabby,

Imagine my shock. My boyfriend has just told me that he and I are doomed to an eternity of everlasting hell. This is after 4 and 1/2 years of a very happy and fulfilling relationship!

Last month my boyfriend went to visit with his mom who is dying. She has, maybe, weeks to live. My boyfriend is very close to his mom. She’s been a staunch skeptic and atheist all her life. Now that she’s about to die, she’s been “converted” by the preacher at her care facility.

Somehow she persuaded my boyfriend that not only is he damned because we are gay, but also because our previously very fulfilling sex life is also damned because we enjoy a private and, what I would call mild, BDSM practice.

Now he’s come home and said he has to leave me for the first agreeable vanilla woman he can find!!

What can I say to him? Help!




Dear Solly,

Oh hon, what a mess! First, my condolences to your boyfriend on his mama’s illness. This is a difficult time for him, no doubt. After she’s gone, he will likely calm down. But if not….

….you sit this boy down and tell him that your bonding with bondage is about as sinful as putting chocolate on your vanilla ice cream. Religion is supposed to be about love and that’s exactly what you two have been doing all this time.

The clinical definition of perversion is a deviation from a norm. Much like my mother-in-law. In our modern times, the norms they are a changin’. Physical pleasure is not a sin when it brings happiness and doesn’t cause any kind of harm to innocents or each other.

And loving another human being, regardless of same-opposite-or mixed up gender, is about as sinful as giving a homeless person a sandwich. Why on earth would your boyfriend want to spend the rest of his lifetime unfulfilled and miserable? This will make him mean and grumpy and more definitely not heaven material. Not to mention the unsightly frown lines that will occur.

Meanwhile, find your own preacher who speaks the same kind of religious dialogue as his mama did, but has some real love in his or her soul, and have them talk this over.

This too shall pass, hon.

IB Crabby


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