L.A.’S CARMAGEDDON-ANTHROPOMORPHIZED

Carmageddon has begun without incident in Los Angeles.

Fortunately we live in a different area and should not be too affected. But still, it is impressive that this crew is supposed to move 4,000 tons of concrete before Monday taking down half of the Mulholland bridge.

The other half is supposed to come down later.

All the articles decry the horror of bringing Angelenos to a standstill over this weekend. “Where will we GO?”, “What will we DO?”. I predict a record number of births early April next year.

But what about the bridge? I wanted to find out who decided this bridge was useless and must come down? I know the state will be widening the freeway, but what about all the people who cross that bridge, that now won’t be able to? They can then merely walk to the middle and weep silently over the middle onto the traffic below. Poor bridge. It’s not the bridge’s fault that the 405 has some of the worst traffic in the universe. It’s just up there trying to do it’s part. And what thanks does it get? Being half torn down and left looking shamefully useless until the other half can be taken down. The least they could do is cover it with some attractive graffiti. Maybe a mock surgery wound. Something to save its dignity. Flower baskets would also be a nice touch.

Because, you know, this’ll be just the time that that long predicted big honkin’ ole earthquake will happen. Right about 7:30 a.m. when the freeway’s just opened up again. And that last half of the poor bridge will start a shakin’ with laughter and wildly fling hunks of concrete about on the hapless drivers. Just for spite.

Just in case, I shall avoid driving that stretch of highway until this is all done. Which should be sooner than later because the state wants to add toll lanes for makin’ some money.

Few of us will remember the bridge. I will probably be one of them.

I.B. Crabby

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One thought on “L.A.’S CARMAGEDDON-ANTHROPOMORPHIZED

  1. Thank you to Stephen Weber for correcting the 4,000 pounds to tons!! I missed that. I had thought pounds because it is near all the actors’ neighborhoods who are constantly dieting and aggressively bulimic.

Tell Mrs. Crabby all!