Dear Mrs. Crabby,

I like to be in shape and fit, but I hate exercise with a hatred that is stronger than all the bulls of Pamplona chasing all the men through all the streets. They are strong, but they do not understand that they run. That is what I need. I need to find an exercise that will make me strong, but where I will not realize I am “exercising” per se.

Do you have any suggestions?


Phlabby Phil


Dear Phil,

Oh, hon, do I ever! First is my old standby calorie burner, but this only works if you have a sweetie. And you all know what I’m going to say next. That’s right. Get naked with your sweetie! This article says that 42 half hour sessions of l’amour will burn up 3,570 calories! That’s less than a three-day weekend, hons! Plus there are lots of other health benefits. Yes, the happy ending sheet bouncer results in a smaller ending to put under your sheets!

But, if a sweetie is not handy, there are other ways to fool yourself to fit. Young Ben Aaron has come up with dance walking to help jazz step those thighs down,

It’s the latest thing. Or……is it? Back in the eighties a woman named Joanna Rohrback came up with “Prancercise.” Way ahead of her time, she exhorted us all to put some glide in our stride and dip in our hip, while we prance away the flab.

Both methods are born of the same basic philosophy that instead of exercise being boring, yucky “work,” we should make it exhilarating play. And if you know me at all, this what I believe everything in every life every day should be.

You can also refer to my post from yesterday, where I introduce “Hula through your day.” Though, Phil, you might find the coconut bra to be a bit uncomfortably scratchy.

And, on a scholarly side, hons, none of this is at all new. Of course our good friends across the pond came up with this sort of exercise long, long before we did. Not only did they create it, but they made it a societal bureaucracy as well.

Choose your play, hon and say bye bye to the flab!

IB Crabby


Tell Mrs. Crabby all!

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