Dear Mrs. Crabby,
My dear wife of 24 years, Adeline, and I have always found that spicing up our sex life made us closer. We’ve done just about everything from role playing, BDSM, to toys, elevators, you name it. But now, Adeline has come up with a scheme that is making me question the foundation of what I thought was our solid love match.
Adeline said to me the other day, “Byron, I want us to have relations, but with other people, in different places, at the same time. I think it would be exciting to be with someone else and thinking of you.” Then she used our three special words that signify pre-mutual agreement, “Let’s do it!”
Mrs. Crabby, I don’t want to have any kind of relations with anyone else and I’m heartbroken that Adeline would even think of such a thing. I got very quiet in our conversation and then she got upset with me for being a “stick in the mud.” I asked her if she was cheating on me and wanted to leave me for someone else. This made her more upset. I left the house and stayed with my mother for a few days, thinking this over. My mother even says I’m being a stick in the mud. Which, has actually given me an interesting idea for something else Adeline and I might try.
What do you think? Do you think Adeline is thinking of leaving me?
Desperate Over My Marriage,
It sounds like you and Adeline have a communication block going on over this. And that would make me suspicious of Adeline’s true intentions as well.
You need to take your wife by the shoulders, look her in the eye and talk all this through. And you know the Crabby recommendation for marital communication – naked. Tell her to think of this as foreplay for acting out in such a way. You have to know everything: where she’s coming from with this, when she thought of it and what was she doing when she thought of it, why does it appeal to her. And what shoes was she wearing at the time? Were they her lace-up shoes? (there’s a post on THAT coming up soon, FYI) And most important, you need to know if she is either growing tired of you in some way or if there is something about you that no longer appeals to her. Have you gained weight? Are you spending too much time at the office and neglecting her? Are you remembering to trim your ear hair? These are tough things to know, but remember, knowledge is power and naked knowledge gives your relationship power. Even when it’s bad news.
Don’t listen to these insults of you and mud. Though I do wonder at your mother’s involvement here. I’m hoping your middle name is not Oedipus. At any rate, if this is truly a deal breaker for you, then you need to take the risk, even after 24 years, of setting a hard boundary. So to speak. I suspect that Adeline is not going to leave you. You sound like an interesting fellow who still has the hots for his wife. That is saying a lot in our current society of crumbling marital values. Don’t give up the ship, hon! But be true to yourself. Tawdry sex is definitely a good way to spice up your marriage. However, there’s nothing worse than tawdry sex with someone who doesn’t really care about you. Tawdry sex is always best with a true love. In person.
Best of luck to you and Adeline, hon!