The advice biz brings all kinds of questions. While there is no such thing as a stupid or silly question, here are some I found….intriguing.

Dear Mrs. Crabby, My shrink says that I can be whatever I want and imagine myself to be. I want to be a brain surgeon. But my little sister will not let me practice on her brain. How can I persuade her?

Dear Mrs. Crabby, I lost my car keys. Again. Have you seen them?

Dear Mrs. Crabby, I want to purchase a bride from Russia. Are there sites that have installment plans?

Dear Mrs. Crabby, My husband tells me that he is tired of the way I drone on and on. Is there a chance that the government might want to hire me for the drone program? Maybe in an Avenger unit?

Dear Mrs. Crabby, I accidentally ran over my son’s puppy. Should I have him taxidermically preserved and give him to my son for his birthday as an apology?

Dear Mrs. Crabby, I am 92 years old and everything still works without any stinking Viagra or Cialis. I would like to have sex again. Would you please send me a woman?

Dear Mrs. Crabby, My mother-in-law gets meaner every holiday, hurling her insults and sniping at me. Would it be wrong to spike her drink with alum?

Dear Mrs. Crabby, I have really dry elbows. I have tried everything. Yesterday I took an SOS pad to them and now the bone is sticking out, and it’s too hot to wear sleeves. What would be the most fashionable way to cover them?

Dear Mrs. Crabby, School is really hard. There is just so much homework. The pressure is killing me. What would be a better career choice for me than teaching?

Dear Mrs. Crabby, My boyfriend keeps insisting on seeing other women, even though he tells me he wants to see me all the time and then forgets to call. I know he’s busy and I don’t want to be a bother, but my storage unit is full up with his other women and I need a better place to keep them. Any tips?

And that’s just a few, hons. Please feel free to send me your own letters right here

IB Crabby

Shut up and suck it up!

How may I help you?

Tell Mrs. Crabby all!

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