HOW TO SELL YOURSELF

Hi hons!

Many people today are searching for true love, their next sexual conquest, or a new housekeeper on online dating sites. Or, as Fenwick calls them, The Flesh Peddling Networks. A friend of mine is on one and has shown me the profiles of the various and sundry available menfolk on the menu for her over 50 search.

I have to say, the descriptive summaries are almost a bigger turn off than the poorly lit photos. Though the mug shot like photos look amusing.

To help out, I think maybe some tips are in order. Whatever you do, don’t say too much. You don’t need to write about why you find opening cans of tuna romantic or how your fondest memory of your mother is how she would burp you before tucking you in in high school and how you’re looking for a woman to do the same today. Some of the descriptions just go on and on and on.

There are the overly romantic summaries where the person claims to be looking for someone to smother with attention, romance and daily stalking. Then there are those who list everything they don’t want, leaving the only viable candidate a blow up doll. There are the multitudes of photos with motorcycles looking for a woman named “Harley.” And, heavens to betsy, so many of the men LOOOOVE to eat sushi. And we know what that means.

I think, for fun, there should be profiles like –

“Finally out of prison and looking for a live woman. Really don’t wanna go back, so I promise to try my best not to break your neck when I lose my temper…”

“Looking for a boozy drinking buddy for hitting the sauce and then hitting the sack…”

“My wife says I need a hobby, so here I am…”

For you ladies, imagine how many interested inquiries you would get with these –

“Looking for a man with staying power between the sheets….”

“Lordy, I’m just so horny I don’t know if I can wait till that third date….”

“Are you the one to keep me and my girlfriend interested?…”

Personally, I find the short and sweet descriptions to be the most intriguing –

“Hi. I want someone for a relationship for the rest of my life. I am looking for someone sane, free of disease, employed and with their own car.”

It really is a job description after all, isn’t it? What are your qualifications? What are their qualifications? Are you really clear about what you want? And, after all, you really should be careful what you wish for.

 

Whatever you write…..

Happy Hunting, hons,

IB Crabby

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