DON’T WORRY, SAYS CRABBY!

TGIF Hons!

I hope you all have great weekend plans to relax and find some pleasure in the miniscule construct of time that is your life span here on earth.

I want to take a pause between letters to think about our lives as so-called miniscule points of time in an expanding universe. Because that is a depressing way to look at it. Most of us don’t consider this as we go from stress-filled moment to stress-filled moment. When we finally do have time to look at it, we are often too old, tired and flabby to enjoy it vigorously as we would wish. You youngsters will have to trust me on this.

What is stressing you out today? Your job? Your financial situation? Your spouse or sweetie? Your kids? Your lack of kids? Your friends’ kids? Your sex life? Your lack of a sex life? The suppurating rash covering your distal flank?

Whatever is bothering you, if anything, I offer these suggestions for making that slight alteration of consciousness that will move you to a more blissful state without the expense of medication.

~Stop and ask yourself “will this situation bother me 200 years from now?” As far as we know today, chances are that it won’t. Hon, chances are it won’t bother you 2 years from now, much less 200. Take a cleansing breath and let it go. No use crying over poorly hidden evidence!

~Is your stress over a boyfriend or girlfriend? If they make you this upset, why are you with them? It’s obviously not working for you. If you are obsessive, just walk away from the knife drawer and calm down. Remind yourself that if it’s meant to be, they will fall into your arms and love you up like crazy. If not, then you have to untie them and let them go free. There will be someone else just for you again. It’s why we still have bars.

~Are you upset about money? Just look at any number of people who have a lot of money. When you take away their expensive toys, clothes, cars and moisturizer, they are just regular shlubs like us. And many of them are not at all happy, even with all that money. Though I must say their toys are rather hot. Go through your own house and look at all your things and imagine living just 150 years ago. The people back then would consider you rich as a king or queen! These days even so-called poor people have flat screen TVs and WIFI. Clean your place up. Shine the floors. Eat at the dining room table on Grandma’s good china plates every night. Even the homeless can live large! If you live rich with what you have, you are rich.

~Are you stressed about your job? At least you have one. Don’t go to work if you hate it so. Get up every morning to go play office. Long ago I had a job in an aircraft supply company billing office. Everything was grey or beige metal, flooded with fluorescent light that made us all look like wax figures. It was dreary with a capital “rear.” I hated it at first. I hated it so very much that I could not bear to work there another day. Though I was still addicted to food and a roof over my head. I decided that I would no longer work there. The next morning I got up and went to play office. I danced around the floor with the long stream of telex messages, singing “It’s too good for telex paper” (a spoof of an old-time toilet paper commercial). Well, from that day on I enjoyed going to play office. Everyone laughed and we all had a good time. Just a little shift of perspective and happier days ensued.

~Are you stressed about not having a job? Use the free time like a vacation. Write that novel. Paint that picture. Even if it’s on a refrigerator box canvas you pick up from the dump. Paint yourself all white and stand in a busy thoroughfare with a hat for donations in front of you. Wear a sign that says “Dumped at the altar.” You’ll meet interesting people and maybe pick up a few bucks. Write a comedy routine and go to an open mike night at the Ha Ha House. If you get creative, there are all kinds of fun things to do that are legal and free from the risk of disease.

Whatever your stress issue is, hons, it’s not worth that much grief. Don’t get me wrong. I have my sad and crabby days too. We’re all only human. You are in charge of your point of view. No one can take that away. I don’t care how far those alien probes poke into us, they will never find where we hide our opinions.

For myself, right after I do this –


(thank you Miss Swan)

I do this –

Give a whistle!

IB Crabby

What? Me worry?

What? Me worry?

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Tell Mrs. Crabby all!