DIRTY OLD MAN

Dear Mrs. Crabby,

My wife has no sense of humor whatsoever. At least not any kind I can appreciate. I am a lover of women from way back. Pretty women at least. If the good Lord went to the trouble of giving them all the bells and whistles of prettiness, I am inspired to appreciate it.

My wife is a nice looking woman and I let her know this all the time. I always tell her how nice she looks. But she has never been Playboy centerfold material, if you know what I mean.

I flirt with the ladies like crazy. It`s all in good fun. I enjoy watching them shiver and giggle when I kiss their necks with my bearded face. My daughter has explained that this might be inappropriate with her friends. And when I accidentally did this to one of her long-haired boyfriends (Hey! he was really pretty!), that cured me of that.

But our other friends – the ladies love it! I chase them around the kitchen, pinching at their bottoms and sneaking feels of their boobies
by “accident.” I just laugh and tell them I`m nothing but a dirty old man and it`s just in fun.

Karen, my wife, has now told me that if I don`t stop this, she will no longer invite anyone over again. She actually seemed quite angry too! What gives, Mrs. C? How to I show her it`s all in good fun.

Signed,

Hal

 

 

Dear Hal,

You poor hon. So misunderstood. Fenwick used to have this same hobby. Fortunately for the both of us, we came to terms over the disagreement.

Since Karen didn`t write to me, just pretend that I`m Karen now. We`ll do some role-playing.

Hal, hon, if you really want to play slap and tickle with our friends wives and girlfriends, you go right on ahead. However, just so you know, this is what I will be charging you for the license to do so in my home –

Butt pinches – $1,000 per pinch
Copping a feel – $1,000 per boobie
Neck nibbles – $1,000 per second of contact
All other physical contact over and above a handshake – $500 per occurrence.

This way Karen will not have to feel that you are giving away what you pledged to keep sacred and special to her. Instead she is in effect renting out your services. Now, if she puts lesser prices on these items, I would be insulted were I you.

Fenwick stopped after I had gone through 1/4 of his savings. You might be inspired to stop sooner. The good news is that Fenwick and I began having much more fun in the frisky department, as his pent-up “inspiration” came home to mama, if you know what I mean.

You have Karen read this now, Hal. Right after you take a good long shower,

IB Crabby

Yikes

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