In only two days it will be the official beginning of SPRING! with the advent of the vernal equinox at 7:02 a.m. eastern time. More daylight! Flowers blooming! Young adults getting drunk and disorderly on spring breaks!

It’s also time for spring cleaning, hons. The task you put off all year in the hopes that perhaps, this year, the atomic holocaust will hit or the aliens will arrive to eat us and you will be spared this dreaded task.

Well, fear not this year because I have some great tips to help you rock the cleaning. This is exactly how my momma and her momma before her kept their houses in order.

First, if you don’t already have one, pick up a hydration pack at your local Army/Navy store. You will need this to keep yourself refreshed as you do your chores.

Now, start with that old liquor cabinet. Take out all opened bottles. There’s no telling when they were first opened, in most cases anyway (for Fenwick, it’s Tuesday). And because you don’t know for sure, line them up in your cleaning cupboard to be used as a cleaning aid. Pour the contents of the first bottle into your hydration pack and strap it on.

Put on some high-stepping music that you love and your favorite outfit. Even if it’s formal wear. Something you feel extra special in. Personally, I like to wear something like this lovely blouse. I pretend I am a famous celebrity, pre-Betty Ford, doing my own cleaning as study for my next film.

Now you are ready to clean!!

~Start with the dresser drawers. Any loose cash is finders keepers. Old worn out undies are tossed out and a shopping list is started for new ones. Any questionable material secretly stashed away should be stored carefully as future “persuasion” material. (Blackmail is such an ugly word)

That was exhausting! Best stop and have a sip or two from your hydration pack.

~Go through your closet. The cash rule applies. As does the shopping one. Be careful to double-check your post Memorial Day white clothes and if they are the least bit stained or wrinkled, toss ’em! Time for new! And while you’re at it, gather up any clothes you will never wear again for any reason. Even if it’s just to make room for a shopping trip. Give these items to charity. This is a perfect opportunity to clean your conscience while you clean your closet!

Hydration pack break! Sippy sippy!

~Time to go through the address book. This is where I once again try to get rid of Mother Crabby’s phone number and address. Though she re-enters it every time when she visits. Usually just before going through our medicine cabinet. Anyway – if you haven’t seen them in a year, best to make room for more new temporary friends.

Hydration pack break and now check the kitchen cupboards to clean out any old cookies or donuts. A snack AND cleaning at the same time!

By now, I am ready for a nap after all that work. Time to sleep until the family gets home and I can give them their lists for spring cleaning. These consist of all the rest of the chores. I tell them not to worry as I will be supervising carefully, sitting in my chair. Wearing my hydration pack.

For those of you with babies at home, don’t leave them out of the fun. Put them to work as well,

Spring cleaning is never much of a chore at our house. It shouldn’t have to be for you either!

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