MONDAY MORNING VISUAL QUICKIES

Dear Mrs. Crabby,

I do not eat enough fruit. My doctor says that if I eat more fruit this will help to alleviate my painful, bleeding hemorrhoids. I want to do this. Do you have any tips to help me to remember to eat my fruit?

Signed,

Tony

 

Dear Tony,

Get an iPoo toilet immediately –

Milos Paripovic (used without permission, naughty me!)

Milos Paripovic (used without permission, naughty me!)

This was designed by the brilliant Milos Paripovic to help with the removal of poo in a tidy manner. This will also help remind you to eat your fruit. Get one immediately!

 

 

Dear Mrs. Crabby,

I have trouble sleeping at night. I am terrified of waking up in a strange space ship, after being probed by aliens, and having bare feet on floors covered in who knows what. But whenever I put something on my feet before going to sleep, I wake up from being too warm. When I go to be barefooted, I toss and turn and only half sleep with worry about being barefoot. What can I do?

Signed,

Deidre

 

Dear Deidre,

I hear your pain, hon. This is a pickle. I know what you mean about getting too warm with socks on in bed. I get too warm when Fenwick wears socks to bed! Anyway, let me suggest that you “trick” yourself with a slipper bed. Order one of these as soon as possible:

(also used without permission. What has gotten into me, today?)

(also used without permission. What has gotten into me, today?)

Order this from China, without delay! You will have to sew the toe sheets yourself as there is currently no vendor who makes these.

 

 

Dear Mrs. Crabby,

The wife and I are having a devil of a time paying our mortgage! We are each working five jobs and can barely pay for our food, utilities, car payments and addiction to cancer drugs. We can’t lose our home! It’s where we’ve buried our beloved pets and my grandmother.

What do you suggest?

Signed,

Morty

 

Dear Morty,

Call Adzookie immediately! They will pay your mortgage for a year after painting your house for you as well! Two bonuses in one.

adzookie

adzookie

Happy Monday and may miraculous surprises rain down on you,
IB Crabby

Raining

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