BELLY UP, HONS!

Hi hons,

Yesterday I had the fun experience of visiting Disneyland. The morning was not badly crowded and we enjoyed nine rides before lunch time!

At the Autopia Cars ride, we saw this elderly Asian gentleman who walked in a bold stride, clapping a rhythmic beat (1-2, 1-2-3), with a beatific smile on his face. The ride workers joined him in the clap and stopped to exchange a secret handshake with him as he passed. He cut through the line and was escorted directly onto a little car after exchanging another secret handshake, and drove off clapping happily away. We tried clapping in the same pattern, but did not enjoy the same line cutting privilege. Though we did get many interesting looks and stares. I suspect the secret handshake was the trick. Generally speaking, there must be something to this clapping business. Because he looked so very happy. As if he’d just had the best chocolate ever. Or a life altering orgasm. Fenwick and I are going to try this for a while and see what happens. You can join us too, if you like. We can recognize each other out in public with our clapping! It will be fun. I’ll film a YouTube demonstration later.

What I really want to mention today, hons, is my observation of a remarkable thing. Many years ago, before the onset of high fructose corn syrup and packed in carbs in food, our populace was statistically on the slim side. We all know about the obesity epidemic in our land. This is not a news flash. The clothing industry has been up sizing fashions for years now. A size 10 today would be a size 14 twenty years ago. Those so-called skinny girls who claim to be a size zero, would be a size four in the past, and would be throwing up three times more often!

What I noticed yesterday is that the majority of folks walking about have bellies. Even the relatively slim folks sported a waistband overhang. A buckle hiding bulge. A pre-handshake greeter.

Since most of us are so endowed, why not make it fashionable? And decorative? Sew in attention garnering waistbands with interesting patterns. Maybe we can rent ad space on our attention grabbing jiggly middles! Especially ads for fast food restaurants! “You can tell it’s good! Just lookee here!”

This site even tells us how straight men with bigger bellies are more fun between the sheets, while their trimmed down counterparts leave we ladies shy of a happy ending. I’m not sure how this works with our gay friends. Maybe some of you will leave comments here to let us know.

We don’t need to feel worse about things than we already do. This is just needlessly mean. Let’s make lemonade out of lemons with the American bulge! I say no more thin being in. Let’s indulge with our bulge! Paint faces on them. Make shirts with arrows and catchy sayings like “Here’s where I keep the love!” or “Paradise Pillow.” Turn it into an attribute.

Because when we do that, hons. That’s when we’ll lose our bellies. For some reason we are a contrary society that works against popular type.

I give us 3 years tops to turn our bellies around by making them popular.

The other way isn’t working, after all.

IB Crabby

I dunno!

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Tell Mrs. Crabby all!