DRESSING IN UNCERTAIN TIMES

Yesterday I dressed for a much warmer day. I put on a lightweight skirt. Though I did add a sweater for the early morning chill. Unfortunately, the chill was a thick marine layer of edgy cold that was socked in all day, and left my knees turning blue.

This is not an unusual scenario in California, where the weather is as whimsical as the movie stars and their spousal choices.

I saved my knees by switching my sweater from my shoulders to my lap, off and on all day, until I could get home and put on two pairs of sweatpants, after rubbing icy hot into my chilblain covered knees. Then, after Fenwick made me a lovely and strong hot toddy, I pondered this dressing business and strategies we can use to be prepared for the fickle changes of weather while maintaining a stylish and eye pleasing visage.

Wondering where to look for some good advice, I went to YouTube to look at what would come up under “How to Dress for Changing Weather.”

First I found a very chatty young fellow, wearing a nice suit, who was going to discuss how to dress in layers. But first he wanted to tell me all about himself, and I just didn’t have the time.

Next I found a “Style and Fashion Expert”! How exciting! My favorite kind of person. This young lady, who was probably less than 25 years old, spoke faster than an over caffeinated hummingbird. She talked about staying warm by dressing in layers. First she put on a ruffly undershirt that was cut down to her bellybutton. She paired this with a very tight sweater, also cut down to the wahoozie. (I started to worry after having watched some sports clothing folks talk about the importance of wicking material to avoid hypothermia, which can happen even in 65 degrees! I wished I knew her mother’s phone number to call and warn her that her daughter was in danger of frostbite, but I had to finish listening to her description of her outfit.) She next showed her skin-tight pants, with the stylish back pocket and her over the knee boots, with the three-inch “come do me” heels. She finished it with a thin scarf and a car coat. After seeing the heels on the boots, I no longer worried about her body temperature falling to dangerous lows. Especially when she said she would be doing a lot of “walking” in New York.

Then there were the “no more mom jeans” ladies, dressing for winter. The talking lady described how she had put her unsmiling friend in a nice pair of jeans, a tight white t-shirt and a tight hoodie, with the right length. The woman modeling the outfit looked like she couldn’t breathe. With some lovely clogs, so easy to slip in and out of, in white like the t-shirt. Though after the snow gets into the back, she’ll lose her heels to frostbite.

Then the most fun one of all. How to dress in changing weather! A lithe young teenager – couldn’t be more than 17 – showed us how to dress in the cold. First she put on her mini skirt and adorable fancy flip flop sandals, with the stud earrings. For colder weather, she had her short shorts, bigger sandals, and of course would be much warmer with the large dangle earrings. She finally got a bit more sensible outdoors, by putting on a pair of red tights under her mini dress. But then I remembered being 17 and never getting cold, with all the solicitous young men who would share their overcoats and wellies. And flasks.

I must say that the need for changeling weather fashion advice has flown out the window. The greater need is to teach people how to be more interesting on video! How to modulate one’s speech while providing mediocre information so that it captures the interest of the viewer and doesn’t cause them to throw their pudding on their computer monitors.

More work for another day. I’m just here to help.

IB Crabby

Eyyyyy...no-3

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