GRABBY GUY OR ALIEN HAND?

Fenwick is a scamp when he sees a pretty lady. He pretends to be a helpless old coot so they will come in close to help him. And then he slyly takes advantage of the proximity for a more personal experience of their various round bits. All in the name of “I’m just an old doddering codger!” He rarely gets called out on this. I think it’s the accent. He insists his arm has a mind of its own. In his case I figure a guy needs a hobby.

There is actually a syndrome where one’s hand and arm seem to have a life of their own. This self debilitating syndrome was humorously portrayed by Peter Sellers in the classic film, Dr. Strangelove.

Young Jackson S. of Tupelo is experiencing this same thing.

Dear Mrs. Crabby,

I believe I have been abducted by aliens and that they have replaced my left arm with some kind of spy device. Please don’t think I’m crazy. But, my left arm and hand will shoot out and grab things, or open things, or knock things over, or wave to strangers, all by themselves. I swear I don’t have anything to do with it.

I am a senior in high school and this is really getting me into trouble. I grabbed my math teacher’s ruler off her desk and smacked her hand with it one day. This got me suspended. Then, I grabbed Debbie Ann’s butt and poked her in the business. Her boyfriend, Chad, beat me up after school, especially when Debbie Ann kept following me around and asking for my phone number. Mostly it’s just little things. Like knocking over juice glasses and pointing at my dad for no reason. But the other things are getting me into big trouble.

This all started after I fell off my bike last summer. I was riding like the devil to get away from old lady Thurman who was a bit upset because my friend Henry and I had shaved the word “butt” on her cat’s butt. Anyway, I ran into a tree and fell off and had to go to the emergency room. I think that’s where the aliens got to me. When I was unconscious.

Do you know anything I can do to fix this? I want to be able to get a job and a wife and such all, but first I need to get through high school, and I don’t think I will with this arm and hand thing pissing everyone off. Especially me.

Signed,

Jackson

Dear Jackson,

You poor hon! What a pickle this is.

First, you see from the movie clip above, that what you have is not unheard of.

For more information, I want to point you to this wonderful new science show called Stuff You Should Know. Here is their clip on Alien Hand Guy. You should find this to be of some comfort, knowing that there are no aliens involved. It’s just your brain wanting to get out and stretch its legs. So to speak.

I don’t know of any cure, Jackson. Sorry. All you can do is educate those near and dear to you as to the syndrome you suffer. You might try to design a stylish sling-like device to hold your left arm and hand still and unable to move. In fact, if you’re clever enough, you might even start a new style trend.

I would even take this further to get yourself handicapped status, with the attendant benefits. And if you’ve a calling, start a movement. You could call it “Hands Off!” or “Strikers Without Warning.” It could even end up as a paying career, with a book, movie deal and speaking tour engagements. Your imagination is all that limits you, hon.

I hope this helps a little bit. I wouldn’t want to strike out completely. Ha Ha.

IB Crabby

How could I forget?

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