WORDS OF WISDOM FOR TODAY

~Best to shower and groom properly every day, just in case today is earth’s last peaceful breath before releasing geological hell. Or if a heinous crime occurs in your yard and CNN wants to interview you.

~If you know your guests will be going through your bathroom cupboards, leave impressive items on display. Things like KY intimacy enhancing products, or tampons (if you’re post menopausal, this will give them “pause!”). Or for having some fun, leave a half squeezed out tube of canker sore medicine, then go in for a big kiss when they come out of the bathroom!

~It’s not athlete’s foot if you’ve done nothing athletic to get it.

~Be kind to everyone you meet. You never know when that bitch who rudely cut in line in front of you at the grocery store will turn out to be the anesthesiologist at your colonoscopy.

~If you’re not sure someone heard you the first time, say something like “Are you glistening?” or “Did you spear me?” or, “You turd what I said?” You’ll know soon after that.

~Always smile confidently. Especially when wetting your pants in public.

Enjoy your Saturday night, hons!

IB Crabby

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