It’s that time of year again, hons! Time to decorate the homestead for the holidays.

This year, since the economy has descended another inch in its circling of the toilet bowl, it’s difficult for young people decorating for the first time. Let’s help them out with some of our household items that can be “repurposed” (just like our last job told us it was doing with our life, instead of saying we were “laid off”).

Collect all your old burnt out light bulbs. Paint them festive colors with some inexpensive tempera paint and string them with yarn, for a festive garland. Or, you can stack them up in the shape of a Christmas tree and make a lovely pipe cleaner star for the top!

Melt the kids crayons down to make some festive candles. Go outside and gather some sticks and leaves and nut pods (without the squirrel attached) and glue them on decoratively. Make sure not to use the ones that make you break out in a rash. (unless this is a gift for that “special someone”……*ahem*)

During the year, I hope you have been collecting all those little hotel shampoos and soaps and giveaways. Make a darling gift with them using a paper bowl wrapped in funny papers instead of a basket!

Save all your cereal boxes. Turn them inside out and cut out Christmas shapes. Glue old bottle caps, pepper corns, cloves for a lovely scent or whatever looks like an embellishment from the trash onto them. Punch a hole in the top and VOILA! Christmas tree decorations!

Save up all those almost empty toilet paper rolls. Leave the bit of white on them and draw snowflake shapes on. Then string them together for a fun snowy garland! Plus there should be enough toilet paper on all of them to use in a pinch if you run out!

Take old pages of magazines and fold the pages into fans to make a festive fan garland! this is also an excellent bathroom decoration to give guests something to read while they are using your facilities.

Get catalogues of expensive Christmas decorating items and cut out your favorites. Paste them to cereal box cardboard shapes and hang them from the tree!

Go with a “kitchen theme” and hang all your kitchen accessories on the tree or strung as a garland. This makes an extra gift for you, because then you have a solid reason not to cook during the holidays!

Dye some of your husband’s large socks with food coloring and use colored Sharpie to write your family’s names on them for Christmas stockings to hang on a mantel or shelf. Embellish them with your earrings or pins. Or glue ribbons saved during the year from gifts received. Or pinched at a friend’s party. Well, hon, they were just going to throw them away!

If you’re having guests this holiday season, make them feel welcome. Scent their pillows and linens with vanilla extract spritzed from a spray bottle. Make a bedside favor using a styrofoam ball wrapped in foil and sticking colorful condoms into it. Make a lovely candle luminary with photos from Playboy glued to a paper bag. Nothing says welcome like “Have fun at our place,” in a naughty passive aggressive way. And if they’re single, just leave the magazine as is.

I’ll try to find more interesting tips for you, hons, this holiday season. Because let’s face it, popcorn and cranberries are too damned expensive nowadays.

IB Crabby

Tell Mrs. Crabby all!

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