Dear Mrs. Crabby,

I’m really bored. Nothing interests me any more.

I thought I might take up stalking, but it’s too annoying. The person being stalked usually doesn’t like it and they get you into trouble with the police.

I changed careers. I went from being an attorney to working at Starbucks. That was refreshing for a couple of months, but now I miss the extra money. Being an attorney was just too dull, and most people don’t like it when you take them to court. I think the hostility of it all became too predictable.

Painting didn’t work for me. I’ve no talent for it and don’t like getting my hands dirty.

I like being single too much to want a relationship with anyone.

I think I’m just tired of me. And for a narcissist, this is probably not a good thing.

How do I put the skip back in my step, Mrs. Crabby? And don’t recommend charity work. I’ve tried that and it’s completely depressing to learn that you really don’t give a crap about other people.


Doused In Ennui


Dear DIE,

Hon, first kudos for knowing you’re a narcissist. That’s a big step. I’d tell you to pat yourself on the back, but you’re probably already doing it.

It sounds to me like you are experiencing the syndrome called Fundamental Unresponsive Caring, Kindness And Life Listening, or F.U.C.K.A.L.L. This can be a devastating and lifelong downturn for some people. But you are in a better position than most. You have time to respond to F.U.C.K.A.L.L. before it sucks you down into a constant and permanent state of Blah.

The most important way to counteract F.U.C.K.A.L.L. is to find one thing that interests you even for one minute and pursue it. Since people are done for you right now, you might want to take up working with primates or larger mammals. Sometimes people are able to leave F.U.C.K.A.L.L. by finding a more meaningful world with other creatures. Maybe swimming with whales? I suggest this because you say the art is not working for you, so is leaving you with F.U.C.K.A.L.L.

If working with primates or large mammals isn’t the answer, perhaps imaginary creatures will perk you up and out of that rut. Plus your hands will stay clean, though you may end up in a room by yourself with lots of pills to take every hour. Or, perhaps another craft will beat F.U.C.K.A.L.L., like macrame or pottery or model ship building? Whatever captures your interest for at least one minute – that’s what you pursue.

Don’t despair, hon. You will conquer F.U.C.K.A.L.L., you can do it!

IB Crabby


  1. Dear Ms. Crabby….
    Here is my dilemma. I had one of the most beautiful friends on Facebook at one time. She was FUNNY…BRIGHT….INTELLIGENT and could bring a smile to my face at the drop of a hat. But alas…she’s gone and left Facebook…and my days are no longer complete without her. I MISS HER..and want her BACK!!!

    Tell me….is there someway you could talk to her to get her to come on back?

    It’s not only me who misses her either…there’s LOTS and LOTS of folks who talk about her and want her back too!

    She brought style and laughter to us, pretty much on a daily basis….and now-a-days, life jes ain’t as fun without her in it.

    Maybe you could talk some sense into her……if you can’t…then I don’t know who else could!

    A loving admirer….
    Scottina, Queen of the Monkey People.

  2. Dearest Scottina,
    You are so wonderful! Please let all those lovely, wonderful people know I think of all of you very often. I have had a tsunami of life poo poo hit and I had to seriously cut back my time on the FB site. Plus there was apparently a hacker who kept trying to highjack my account (which is included in the “life poo poo” category). I wanted to keep the fan page and could not figure out how to do it without the regular page. So I’ve started another fan page but then could not figure out how to find you to tell you. So I kept waiting for someone to comment here on my page. And now you have, hon! With computers I’m like a chimpanzee in an O.R trying to perform brain surgery. Here is the new fan page, if anyone might be interested, I’d be honored – It’s under “Irmagarde Crabby.” Now I have to run to take my momma to her physical therapy (Item 4.b in the “L.P.P.” column). Then figure out how to earn enough samolians to pay for dinner beans. XXXXOOOO to YOU and everyone out there. You give everyone a HUGE MWAH from me, hon!

Tell Mrs. Crabby all!

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