OLDER MOTHER DILEMMA

Dear Mrs. Crabby,

I am an older mom. It happens in this day and age. You’d think people would be used to this by now. But no. Apparently the general opinion of the public is that all moms are hip, young things with tattoos and 15 piercings on their face. I know I look a bit older than the usual mom, as you can see from my photo, but still. These are modern times, I thought!

I was at the deli counter with my 6-year-old daughter, choosing something for dinner. The clerk asked “And what will your granddaughter have.” There was a long pause of silence as my daughter looked at me, looked at the clerk, looked back at me with her “it’s gonna hit the fan now” face.

What can I do, Mrs. Crabby? This prejudice is very depressing. Especially since my self-esteem is also skidding along the bottom because my husband never comes home except to shower and change clothes. Plus he’s started wearing cologne, but it’s not for me.

Help!

Not A Grandma!!

 

Dear NAG,

You poor hon!! Of course you’re not a grandma! Here are some handy ways to handle those public slights –

When asked about your “granddaughter”, turn to your daughter indignantly and say one of the following, very loudly:

“I did not know you were even dating!!! When did THIS happen?” or,
“You got knocked up again? Weren’t the twin girls enough of a lesson?”

Or, whisper dramatically to the clerk “Hon, she’s 34 years old and finally out on parole from her manslaughter charge. She’s REALLY sensitive about her height. Shhhh.”
Or, “I TRIED to tell her the coffee and cigarettes would stunt her growth!!”

Or you could say “What? Oh no. She’s my daughter. I’m really only 27. This is what happened to me after working behind a deli counter.”

Get creative, hon! Make it an opportunity for oddball comedy. It’s a good way to live.

Now, as to your husband. I know you didn’t mention it. But, hon, it’s time you brought the man home. Get a makeover, start wearing perfume, and leave mussed up lingerie around the bedroom for when he comes home. Turn about is fair play,hon. If the lingerie itself doesn’t work, hire a young sweaty fellow to wear it for a day and then leave it around. Sometimes men won’t notice unless they smell another male in the house. Make sure it’s an alpha male. Makes a dif’.

Have fun with all this now!

IB Crabby

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