Dear Mrs. Crabby,
I am 29 years old and I have not had any luck finding a girlfriend or a job! I am a young and handsome fellow, if I say so myself, with a college degree for goodness’ sakes!
How do I set out on the path to love and career???
Befuddled and Bewildered Edgar
Hon, c’mere and listen closely “PUT THE DAMN PHONE DOWN AND WATCH WHERE YOU’RE WALKING!!!” *Ahem*
Plus, pull up your pants and maybe buy a suit. I know it’s old-fashioned, but the women and prospective employers might be so shocked to see someone your age dressed classy and without an electronic device surgically implanted in your hand that you might have a better shot than the competition.