Dear Mrs. Crabby,

I have a former suitor who I had to break up with under difficult circumstances. Let’s just say, it was a long list. At any rate, I’ve tried to move on, but for some bizarre reason he cannot seem to.

After trying to persuade my friends and family that I am a horrible, awful person, just one side of Hitler, he seems to have taken to planting recording devices all throughout my house and in my car even! As someone who works in the filmed media profession, I am suspecting that he altered the recordings.

My dear friend Deirdre called me one morning and took me to coffee. She said that he had reached out to her and played her this altered tape where it sounded like I said “Deirdre eats children for breakfast.” I never said that, Mrs. Crabby! But she said it was definitely my voice. I remember one time saying that Deirdre meets her children for Sunday breakfast and how sweet that was. But I never said she eats her children! Now Deirdre won’t talk to me any more!

I hired someone to go through my apartment and car and they found 13 devices! Including one in my shower head!

What can I do Mrs. Crabby? I’ve nowhere else to turn.


Wrongfully Accused Faux Trash Talker



You poor hon, if I’m all you’ve got. Well, I’ll put on my good cop panties and we’ll see what we can do.

In addition to trashing you, another point of the recordings, hon, is to distract people from the illegal act of invading your privacy by shocking your friends with the salaciousness of the material. Your former beau has broken several federal, state and local laws. Enough to put him in with a whole new set of “suitors” if you will, for a very long time. You must pursue this legally. Plus, I suspect you have grounds for civil action based on  causes. Consult an attorney right away before his savings is spent on criminal defense bills.

As to your friends. Sadly, hon, you can’t un-ring a bell, even if it’s been rung with a false note. Unless you have truly extraordinary, super human friends and family, you need to walk away and start over. We are a shallow and easily persuaded society with the morals of a stoat, generally speaking. Just look at most of the headlines on magazines. They’re all about tearing down someone’s reputation or criticizing the size of their ass. You never read about a celebrity feeding homeless in a soup kitchen as a headline or visiting with their demented and ill elderly parent for days on end. All the good stories are in the “C” section of the publications. Your friends and family are no different. The expression “lay down with dogs, wake up with fleas” comes from just such scenarios.

But never fear. We are resilient creatures. Probably because we live in denial and are prone to forget things easily. You can rebuild a new life at any age, any time. Just remember enough not to date someone from the filmed media business again.

IB Crabby

Tell Mrs. Crabby all!

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