MAGIC WANDA

Dear Mrs. Crabby,

For many years I have been advised and helped by my own personal fairy. I call her “Glinda” from the Wizard of Oz. She helped me decide which college to go to, which beau to marry and what to name my kids, among countless other choices over the years.

Lately, Glinda has been giving me very bad and evil advice. She told me to make some wrong turns when I was lost and I ended up in a dangerous neighborhood where I was stopped and robbed at gunpoint. Then she suggested I purchase a pair of “skinny” jeans for my friend’s son’s bar mitzvah. Mrs. Crabby, I can’t wear skinny jeans. I weigh 183-1/2 pounds. When I asked her what had happened and why she had turned on me, she just laughed a really scary, crazy laugh and flew around my head till she got dizzy and fell onto the floor!

What is wrong with my Glinda, Mrs. Crabby, and how can I help her after she’s helped me so many many years.

Signed,

Worried Wanda

Dear Worried,

First, it’s obvious that your fairy has hooked up with a new supplier and gotten a bag full of angel dust instead of pixie dust. Or, have you seen her hanging out with anyone named “Alice”, carrying a magic mushroom? I’m thinking that a couple of months of detox should fix her up just fine. There’s a great rehab facility for creatures like Glinda called “Neverland High.” I’d send her there.

Then you’ll need to talk to someone about listening to a fairy. Everyone knows you’re supposed to listen to the good angel on your right shoulder.

IB Crabby

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