SUMMER MOVIE REVIEW DAY

Dear Hons,

I have not seen some of these movies because, well, quite frankly, I have questions as you’ll read. And I can’t post pictures because of copyright issues and I don’t have permission because, well, quite frankly, I’ve likely pissed off the studio. C’est la Crabby. (NOTE: SPOILER ALERT ON SOME)

BRAVE: The story of an independently spirited, teenaged, arrow-shooting girl who seeks to change her destiny in the forest. Wait. Didn’t we see this already earlier this year?

ROCK OF AGES: Tom Cruise shirtless? Not even Alec Baldwin can save my eyes from this burning. Like the movie’s borrowed Twisted Sister song, We’re Not Gonna Take It.

THAT’S MY BOY: An R rated Adam Sandler offering. There is a 12 year age difference between him and Andy Samberg, who plays his son. According to other reviews, the son character is a product of Adam Sandler’s school aged character and a teacher. And from the reviews, it seems Adam Sandler has made child-aged intercourse with an adult funny. And apparently this is what some people want to see. Personally, I’ll pass.

THE DICTATOR: Or was that originally spelled “The Dick Tater?” Sacha Baron Cohen, once again, does his level best to not only scrape the bottom of the “bad taste” barrel, but slice out a good portion of its metal. He has many many fans and many people love him. Maybe someday he will use his prodigious comedic talents for good and not primeval. Oh, wait, he’s getting stinkin’ rich from doing this.

SNOW WHITE AND THE HUNTSMAN: Kristen Stewart runs about the various forests and lands with her mouth hanging open, to escape the evil Queen who wants to eat her heart, raw, without salt and still beating. I sat on the edge of my seat in wonderment that she had no bug spatter on her protruding teeth!! It was miraculous! Chris Hemsworth as Thor…no, wait…that’s the other movie…as the Huntsman….Well, it’s so hard to tell the difference because he seems to always be swinging a weapon about in all his movies. Still, he’s very pretty to watch. And when he’s shirtless he is very shiny. Perhaps Miley Cyrus might want to reconsider between Chris and his brother Liam. And, I must say, watching the wondrous Charlize Theron in her spectacular gowns making evil look so pretty was great fun.

PROMETHEUS: Who knew that we humans sprang from the black oily DNA of a giant-sized alien species who now want to annihilate us. Though the question of why they would want to destroy us, after making us, with equal opportunity death-dealing creatures who pose threats to them as well, is just never answered – much less posed. Again, Charlize Theron rocks the space suit, and while not an evil character, makes being a gorgeous tough woman something to aspire to. And it’s Ridley Scott, hons. You know you have to see it for the visuals alone.

MADAGASCAR 3: Go Dreamworks! Your kids will love this. Same great characters, plus some brilliant adds. Martin Short is huggably wonderful. And the film is stolen, lock, stock and sniffing the barrel, by Frances McDormand’s character. You’ll see.

Have fun out there, hons and please don’t forget to return your 3-D glasses to the receptacle outside the theater door.

IB Crabby

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Tell Mrs. Crabby all!