Dear Mrs. Crabby,
We need help quick!! Only one of us can ride to the job interviews! How can we choose? We are all good candidates.
Lucky for you I attended an upper management seminar on “out-placement.” I will share what I learned and then give you a happy solution.
The basic philosophy for “out-placement” is that you must place responsibility for the departure onto the person who will be leaving. Thus making it their “choice” to leave and that they created the scenario requiring their departure. It is all their own doing! Then you must create an atmosphere of gaiety and celebration around their leaving so that they will never ever turn back on you later on when they realize that they no longer have the means to eat or have a roof over their heads! This is much easier to do than you think, as we human creatures are idiotically easy to fool.
With this in mind, here is what you do. Make it fun! Like a TV reality game show to choose the winner. Set up the game of “Eeny Meeny Miny Moe!”, changing the words just a skosh. “Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Moe – catch a ride and GO GO GO! If you miss it, in you go! Swim to shore to find Land Ho! My Captain told me to choose the best swimmer – YOU! And then, when you’ve chosen the candidate, you escort him off the boat to find “Land Ho!” with a celebratory Hoot and Holler!, thusly:
As if THEY have won the game! Continue until you are the only one left. Dock the boat and go. Hopefully your boat mates will not catch up with you later on! Or worse – get better jobs and end up as your supervisor in the future!! Awkward!
Best of luck, hon!