HOW TO TELL IF YOU’RE AN A**HOLE

We all like to think kindly of ourselves. It’s part of what keeps us from donning the rope necklace and swinging from the rafters, hons! Sometimes any one of us can fall into some very bad anti-social habits. It’s only human. Life can dump remarkable amounts of bad juju and suckiness on just one person, without any explanation or reason whatsoever. Or, it could be that we have a genetic predisposition, combined with lousy parents that cause us to act out unconsciously.

However, if interested in, if not changing your ways, at the very least knowing yourself better, here’s a few clues to discern whether or not you are a butt-head.


1. When you inform others of terrible fates that have befallen you (such as your sports team not winning, forgetting your coupons at the grocery store or having had to wait more than 5 minutes in line at the bank), and they simply nod and then move away, chances are they really weren’t interested and found you too self-absorbed. But, what do they know, the simps!


2. Any time you challenge the opinions of others by raising your voice, calling them “complete idiots”, slashing their tires, insulting their families lack of IQ, spitting on them derisively as you rant, and then presenting them with your much better and correct opinion, and they go stone silent before walking away – perhaps you have gone too far. Chase them down just to make sure.

In fact, walking away is always a sign that, perhaps, you’ve exuded too much “people repellant.” That and people calling you other than your name, things like Arrogant Pr*ck, Obnoxious b*tch or Clueless D*ckwad.

3. Carry a pad of paper and a pencil with you at all times. Make a tick mark for each hour spent all by yourself without anyone calling you or coming to talk to you. Here’s the scale: 3 ticks or less: No worries, hon! 4 to 8 ticks: Maybe some sensitivity training is in order, 9 to 11 ticks: You need counseling and probably medication; 12 and above: You are not getting enough sleep and are probably just far too cranky. Or you are manic and need to see 9 to 11 ticks, above.


There are alternatives. Perhaps being an A**hole works for you! Sometimes it just does. Then you need to focus your energies on becoming a CEO of a large corporation, a trial attorney, or a high level school administrator. These skills will pay off big in those positions, hons.

The message here today is to know yourself. As Shakespeare said “To thine own self be true.” And screw the rest!

IB Crabby

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Tell Mrs. Crabby all!