HOW’S A SINGLE MOM TO CATCH A BREAK?

Dear Mrs. Crabby,

I am extremely down on my luck. I am a single mother with a passel full of kids. Plus I have my mom and dad to take care of.

The money is all gone. The benefits have run out. And there is no place else to turn except a sordid life involving my feminine charms. Fortunately I do still have my looks and am able to dance really well, but it’s tough finding high tipping exotic dancing jobs in the early morning, which is the only time my mom can watch my kids. I’m only bringing in about $32.18 a day with this job. And they have issues with my having to pump breast milk between sets.

I’m looking to expand my career into a more lucrative….shall we say, position? I read your Facebook and you talk about knowing Madame Whoopee. I wonder if you might help me get an interview with her to fill a possible…..opening?

I have a peculiar after effect from having multiples of children. In reconstructing my “heavenly channel”, if you will, the doctors made it extremely taut. In the hours and hours of physical therapy that Thor and Svetlana put me through, I developed enough muscular coordination that I was able to tie and untie a cherry stem around a tiny Lego sword several times in one sitting. Thor told me that this would boost my career possibilities exponentially, and I just can’t wait to try it out.

Would you be willing to refer me to Madame Whoopee, and would you ask her if she offers major medical and child care benefits?

Gratefully,

Tiny is the Tunnel, Yes!

 

Dear TITTY,

Hon, I was so moved by your selfless and difficult tale that I indeed spoke with the good Madame about you.

The only opening she has currently is for a cross-dressing Justin Bieber look-alike to work as a back door man. But because she was so intrigued by your “new talent”, she is willing to refer to you as an outsource resource on a “trial” basis, if you will.

You will need to meet with her to learn how to set up your home office and get tips for insuring solid and stiff return business that comes back again and again.

Good luck to you, hon and Cheers for climactic success!

IB Crabby

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinteresttumblr

Tell Mrs. Crabby all!