Dear Mrs. Crabby,

I watched this show tonight on the History Channel: Ancient Aliens. It was about how physicists and such like are figuring out how to time travel and it’s just a matter of time (ha ha) when this will happen. And then they talked about how the future looking “grey” alien people (that the government says are as fake as our future Social Security) are really earth folks from the future, traveling back to our time because they just can’t make babies any more (use it or lose it people!!!).

Well I am writing to you because I am SURE that my granddaddy is one of those little grey alien creatures! He is the right size, has huge eyes and is all tiny, grey and wrinkly! And before she passed, my granny said that she just never “got enough” of him. And now I know what that means. When the movie “Paul” came out I took Granddaddy to see it because he looks a lot like him:

Here’s my worry, m’aam, I am wanting to propose to my girlfriend, but if I am a quarter alien from my granddaddy, I don’t want to be having any kids with giant eyes and a smooth place on the business end, if you know what I mean.

What should I do?


Alien Pedigree Edgy!!


Dear APE,

Not to worry, hon. Chances are your granddaddy was not your real granddaddy, especially being shy of “business”. If any of your kids come out looking like Granddaddy you can go one of two ways. Either give your wife what for as if she has obviously stepped out on you, but you’ll man up and raise this one just like your own. Or, you can claim it’s the second coming in person!! But this last one, only if you are up for a plethora of paparazzi chasing after you most of your life from here on. Though it might mean a Diane Sawyer interview and you could get a book deal. Only you can choose what’s best for you.

What I’m saying is, you have to live your life whether you are part alien or not. It’s not something you can do anything about, right? So just be grateful that you didn’t take after his side in the “business” department and move on. 

Good luck proposing. Let me know if you need any help. I have a list of tips I’ve made for my husband Fenwick for when he proposes to his next wife, since his proposal to me involved a beer can top hidden in a Hostess Twinkie that chipped one of my teeth. I suspect HE is an alien, hon! From the planet Cluenot!!

IB Crabby

3 thoughts on “GRANDPA IS AN ALIEN!!

  1. Well thank GOD, it wasn’t Sweetie. God knows he gets around and then there’s that cute Captain Jack…..shame the APE didn’t really get lucky.

    • It’s true River, hon. I’m sure he would not complain at all if it had been either of those fellows. In fact, they would have helped him ace the proposal as well. Perhaps it’s not too late for them to step in?

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