Dear Mrs. Crabby,

I have known Drake since high school. She is so darned smart in math and helped me with Calculus so I could past the SAT’s. After high school we drifted apart for a couple of years, then I ran into her at a reunion! She’d lost 124 pounds, had her mustache removed and the fat sucked out of her chin. She looked amazing. So of course I wanted to hit that!! I’m only human. But because we had been friends too, I fell for her emotionally as well.

After dating for several months, she and her family were contacted by a long-lost sister that her mother had given up for adoption just before marrying Drake’s dad. Well, Mrs. Crabby, this girl, Eaton, is also super hot, just like Drake! And she and I hit it off as well, though we have to get together secretly so Drake doesn’t find out.

Neither of them is Mormon or into the sister-girlfriend thing. I asked. So what should I do? My friend Jerry says I should  persuade them to share me by making it seem attractive. Do you know how I can do that? How do I change this in my favor?




Dear Romeo,

Oh Romeo, Romeo, wherefore is thy head, Romeo?

Hon, actually you sound like a clear-headed fellow, knowing exactly what you want. And that may be where the problem lies. You think you know what you want.

You need to think this through. Here is musical advice for one point of view. Perhaps you can show this to the girls. Otherwise you will have to lie and misrepresent the structure you wish to create, and that will result in your eventual downfall and potential personal injury:

Two girlfriends are going to take a lot of your time, energy and financial resources. Draw out a timeline and budget to make sure you can afford all these things. I recommend using an Excel spreadsheet for maximum analytical review.

Because if it’s going to be too much, hon, then you can’t have your Drake and Eaton too.

IB Crabby

Tell Mrs. Crabby all!

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.