Dear Crabby,

I am having the most difficult time with my underpants since gaining 25 pounds. I have tried every brand from bargain Target brands to high-priced Victoria Secrets brands. I have tried every style – classic, control, bikini, hipsters, tangas, lowcut, highcut, boycut, and none stay in place! Do not tell me to try thong or g-string, because the one time I did, girlfriend, before snapping them apart, they caused a chafing where no butt should be chafed! I need panties Mrs. Crabby! What should I do?


Wronged by the thong!


Dear Wronged,

First of all, hon, let me congratulate you on being completely at ease with your weight gain! You made no complaint about this at all. I’ll wager that you look gorgeous!

As to your underlying problem, there are several solutions. First, when you are wearing loose, long dresses or muumuus, I would recommend old-fashioned bloomers like this:

You can purchase these at my favorite shopping site,, here.

Next, when wearing a bit closer fitting attire, such as a business suit or cocktail dress, you’ll need some men’s boxer shorts like this:

And, again you can purchase these on Amazon, here. I prefer the Hanes to the Fruit of the Loom, but that’s just me. Also you might like some of the Lucky Brand or Tommy Bahama festive prints for a special date night!

Don’t despair, hon! There are creative solutions just for you. And I sure hear you about the thong and g-string issue! Those things made my hemorrhoids hemorrude!!

IB Crabby

Tell Mrs. Crabby all!

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