Dear Mrs. Crabby,

My name is Eugenia. Call me Genie. Yes, like in the bottle, though without all the magic. Too bad.

Here’s my complaint. My daughter is now 16 years of age. When she was 14 she became quite enchanted with the Dr. Who business. I believe it was that David Tennant back then playing the doctor. I didn’t make much of it then, just chalked it up to young teenage fantasy. But then they killed him off and she was so depressed for weeks on end that she didn’t eat or sleep much. Then I worried and took her to the doctor. I mean, not THAT doctor, but her real doctor. He said it’d pass and I should just relax. Well I did, then, didn’t I? Because he went to medical school and all that. What a mistake.

It didn’t pass.

When this Matt Smith fellow came on, and what kind of simple-minded name is that for a doctor, anyway? Well, she fell head-over-heels again. She’s cost us a fortune in printer ink downloading photos of this fellow, photoshopping her face in over that River character’s face and printing out poster sized sheets for her walls.

Now she’s saved her money and bought this giant blue toilet box for our yard insisting that the doctor is living inside, and she’s decorated the inside with all sorts of gadgets and gizmos. I couldn’t find our toilet plungers for weeks until they showed up on these upside down tubes she calls “Darlinks” or “Daleks” or some such and insists they are battling for supremacy of the earth.

At any rate, Mrs., I need her to stop all this and start looking at university for her future education and it’s just not happening at all. Now she says she’s going to move to Cardiff and work for something called “Torchwood.”

What can we do?


Genie in need of at least one wish


Dear Genie,

This is a really tough thing because, as I personally understand it, once a Doctor Who fan, always a Doctor Who fan. And you know, really, there is nothing at all wrong with this.

I would suggest that you take her out for tea and tell her you’ve met with River Song. Then present her with a letter from River Song stating that she needs to focus on her studies and planning for university because that’s exactly what SHE did. Though off world, which you probably won’t be able to swing. Then take her shopping and outfit her in clothes that are exactly like River Song’s. Tell her that she will be able to study so much better in them, according to Ms. Song.

The best way to success here is to weave your daughter’s future into the story. You’ll need to catch up on all the episodes to find tips you’ll need to do this. And you’ll probably enjoy it too!! It’s a wonderful franchise, hon.

And for inspiration, plan Dr. Who rewards for good studies! A fan convention visit, or lovely Whovian jewelry or a trip to Cardiff for good grades. You’ll be the coolest mom in the world to her.

And, I must tell you, it probably won’t pass. And that’s OK. Because just like the Tardis, hon, we’re bigger on the inside too.

IB Crabby

Tell Mrs. Crabby all!

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